my inner monologue unleashed

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Sal Fermann's Dead List 2009

Abigail Van Buren
Allan Arbus
Andy Rooney
Ann Margaret
Art linkletter
Barbara Billingsly
Barbara Bush
Barbara Hale
BB King
Bea Arthur
Betty Ford
Betty White
Beverly Cleary
Billy Graham
Bob Barker
Bob Dylan
Barack Obama
Britney Spears
Buddy Guy
C Everette Coop
Caesar Milan (the dog whisper)
Carl Reiner
Castro
Chuck Berry
Chuck Yaeger
Clint Eastwood
Dan Rather
David Carradine
David Rockefeller
Dick Cheney
Dick Clark
Don Pardo
Ed Asner
Ed Koch
Ed McMahon
Edward Albee
Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin
Efrem Zimbalist, Jr
Eli wallach
Eunice Kenny Schriver
F. Murray Abraham
Franky Lane
Georg Bush Sr
George W Bush
Henry Kissinger
hilary Clinton
Jack Klugman
Jack LaLane
Jane Russel
JD Salinger
jerry lewis
jerry lee lewis
jerry stiller
Jimmy Carter
Julie adams
Karl maldan
Kay Starr
Keith Richards
Kirk Douglas
lee majors
Lena Horne
Les Paul
Lil’ Richard
Lindsey Lohan
Liz Taylor
Lou Albano
Louie Anderson
Maureen O’Hara
Michael Jackson
Mickey Rooney
Mitch miller
Monty Hall
Muhammad Ali
Nancy Reagan
Nelson Mandela
Olivia de Havilland
Oral Roberts
Owen Wilson
Patrick Swayze
Paul Harvy
Paula Abdul
Pete Seeger
Phyllis Diller
Pierre Cardin
Ray Bradbury
Robert McNamara
Robert Redford
Sen. Bryrd
Sharon
Sid Caesar
Sidney Poitier
Stan Lee
Stan Musial
Steve Jobs
Ted Kennedy
Ted Stevens
The Queen
Vladimir Putin
Walter Cronkite
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Happy new year....a little late...but technically there are 365 days of newness...right? It’s not that a lot of random and unusual stuff hasn’t happened that I could have talked about, including going in search of the best bloody mary in St. Louis on New Year’s Day (and realizing wow, what a great reoccurring article “in search of (insert topic)” would be, going to a class with the world’s strangest yoga instructor....ommmm, eating a lot of beignets at our new favorite Café Ventana, experience lay offs at work. I would say luckily I was spared, but there was nothing lucky about going through that.

I guess sometimes it’s easier to blather on when I’m fired up about little stuff than talk about things that matter or have some life importance. And I guess this year has been filled with things that I feel are really mattering and important, which mostly I am enjoying.

Good news on the dead list front...finally finished mine for 2009. I will post so we can all enjoy. Bad news...I had some people who were already dead! Revised it and it should be good to go now. My miss on Ertha Kit dying during Christmas...totally should have gotten that one!

I’m on the search for a wii fit, but settled for buying a table cloth tonight. My father is in my head every time I go to the store...It’s not what you MAKE, it’s what you KEEP. I also settled on a lesser expensive bottle of wine. Words to live by. This replaced Study, study, study....the Sonny Alfermann mantra of my early years.

Jen’s recent facebook comment about paying attention to the safety talk on the plane made me laugh. An old friend emailed to make sure Trisha was ok and didn’t work for that airline. I said, yes she’s fine, and thankfully that wasn’t her because her hair get crazy in the water, she hates water landings. Trisha and I laughed about it when we talked that day. She did say luckily the birds must have been small and got churned up right away, because those blades are so sharp if they get loose and fly out into the flusalodge (no idea how to spell) that’s when a lot of people die. It’s easier for me to laugh about then think about anything happening to her. I totally freaked out when she started her international routes and had to go through more extensive water landing training. I think I wrote about it years ago. I can still see it clearly in my head, that picture I got when she told me about it. I was talking to her on the phone and I just kept seeing it – I was driving down brentwood at night, coming back from a movie I believe. I can vividly remember the conversation and the scene that was to be permanently stuck in the back of my mind. Her...scared...in the water.....cold....it’s dark....pieces of plane, such small pieces....she so scared and no one is there. And I just started crying and crying on the phone that night and saying over and over...you’re scared and I can’t be there for you. I fear that the most, that she will be scared and I will be far away and not be able to hold her and tell her it’s all ok or when it’s not ok, just be there to hold her until she’s not scared anymore. This is the picture I have. But I also remember when we were watching Air Force One starring Harrison Ford and the plane went cart wheeling into the ocean wing over wing over wing....she said....that’s what it’s really like. Not just carefully nose diving like in most movies and not a lot of floating in the water after it happens, just a lot of chaotic crashing and wildly falling from the sky.

I used to be superstitious and have to read the safety card every time. And I traveled quite a bit. Now I think I’ve got it. But have you noticed in the video they show...they give you the information but it’s vague...ONE video for almost all types of aircraft. If you listen closely they say...your seat cushion may be used as a floatation device (I hear...”but maybe not”), they don’t give you the exact location of anything you would really be in need of during an emergency. When I asked Trisha about it, she said it was much more economical to just have one video. Obviously I’m not the first to inquire. Now that gas has gone down a bit, take my luggage charge and spring for a new flippin’ version...I’m not looking for a whole new cast and musical production, just alt those specifics I need. We do it all the time in advertising. There already is the ethnically ambiguous cast of characters so that they could record in English and Spanish with the same people speaking, so some thought to alt versions was discussed. I mean I’m ok with vague and business frugality when it comes to things like...one size fits most, may contain wheat, but if I’m going to need a floatation device I would not like to be hunting around for it...under my seat....it is my seat....it’s in a secret compartment below my tray table. Do not give me any responsibility in case of emergency beyond my most likely hyperventilating until I pass out.