You’re going to love it in an instant

Wednesday I waited for the cable guy who was coming between 8-10 a.m. Right. So before I jump on my 10 a.m. conference call I check on it. They call my home phone during my call saying – they never should have scheduled your visit then - they all have a company-wide meeting every Wednesday. So I call back and am really hacked off. The man says...you sound very frustrated because you’re not letting me do what I can to help you. omg. I hate charter more every day. Damn you weeds and other TV programs I love! He’s counting the days it’s been out of service – I say 3 weeks...he says 10 days. I say 3 weeks, he says oh 17 days – about 2 ½ weeks. I finally say...I’m going to go because you’re already telling me I have to call back and go through this whole thing again once it is fixed. Ugh. Serious ugh. The repairman shows up and he’s all coy – I’m sure he got the call that I was on fire. He’s lingering at the door all coolly apologizing and I try to remain calm and say – you’re going to have to get in here and fix this so I can finally go to work. He says – where’s the cable box? I don’t know – the other repairman always leaves, goes somewhere and then it’s fixed...maybe downstairs. The guy wanders around the building for a few minutes and then that’s it – turns it back on – about 3 minutes of work for 4 hours of waiting...plus he was talking about how the last woman’s job was so complicated and that’s why he was running late blah blah...they seriously need to get their stories straight.

Thursday after my tennis class I went to a going away party for my good friend Amy who is leaving to go down the street – this is how I say it so I won’t miss her. I’m wearing a ballcap, tennis shirt and little tennis skirt. Were you playing tennis? No, wore this to work today. It’s just a natural question – you play tennis? Nope. It’s like...twins? No – well you really look alike. But it made me laugh every time. The next day someone said – well maybe you were just dressing like a Frontenac woman, who apparently sport tennis skirts as a fashion statement. It was really fun to see everyone. I’m pretty sure I’ve never said the word uterus so many times in one day. Dave W forwarded that story on to his guy friends so they could have the insight into the world of the female doctor visit and Julie found a great new doctor. We decided Dave would be my publicist. I was telling him something and I said – did I tell you this before – he said – no I read it in your blog. Yikes. Another friend was explaining some program I could use to enhance it and track it and......I finally said – you’re IT, I’m marketing....you lost me like 8 to 10 sentences ago, but he swears it’s all easy. Also that night I was introduced to this beer margarita combo that was quite delicious.

Today I got a massage and sat in the steam room – soo relaxing. I was all by myself so it was like I was in my own private little spa and I had very few thoughts of being trapped inside ala every other Charlie’s Angels’ episode. I loved it! The massage was great. It was really hard for me to turn my head off. I usually try to focus on the actual massage but since the shiatsu in LA where I wanted to scream out in pain and was pretty sure I may suffer some weird tick or temporary paralysis because of the amount of pressure, I was trying to just focus holistically on it feeling good. Burke Williams LA maniacal shiatsu guy - Top 1 massage. I realize I prefer a male masseuse. I know I made a big stand on female doctors, and you would think the same logic sort of applies, but this is a different beast. It’s actually more distracting to have a female masseuse. Guess it feels more naughty and mysterious, ok well not so mysterious, but naughty non the less. Top 2 massage was the guy in NYC -- it just feels better when it’s a guy - guy touch girl = all good. He was adorable. We had this whole awkward parting where finally he says – you have amazing skin – and turns to go. Random. The rest of that spa experience went to hell in a hand basket as I’m sure I’ve discussed before. So today, the guy was really good – almost like one of those thai massages where it’s a little bit of yoga stretching too. I realize that all these men are ranking in my top 3 massages merely due to their natural advantages – bigger hands, stronger touch and no mystery.

I went to Washington to see my mom who is recovering well from gallbladder surgery. She calls and puts me on the hunt for the Dark Chocolate Carnation Instant Breakfast my father has every morning that they stopped selling in Washington since the schnucks caught on fire – I’m sure there was no correlation, but she mentioned it. I loved that stuff when I was little! But when I had my wisdom teeth out several years ago I asked my mom to buy it and it was god awful. Yuck. After several minutes on the cellphone comparing exact wording on the box with my dad, I lose a fingernail in the process trying to get to the top shelf, but I find 4 boxes for him. Success! I need to just find it online and have it shipped to him in cases.

I pick up my godson’s bday gift at sports authority...and even delivered it! Only 1 day late – this is like unprecedented for me – I’m world’s worst godmother to this kid. But you can’t keep tabs on him – he plays every sport – like yesterday he was in a golf...maybe baseball...tournament all day and then a tennis tournament in the evening! Last year I just stopped by at some random time of year and gave him an envelope full of cash to make up for all the birthdays and Christmases I’d missed. He won the bad godmother lottery that day and was a little taken aback and so was his mom. His mom is my best friend since kindergarten. We don’t really talk anymore. I was her maid of honor – twice. Her new husband is just a different set of problems from her old husband. Most of which I can’t relate too. I really want to – I do. And I really want to shake her a lot of times too. I did solve the mystery of the high school boyfriend resurfacing – apparently it was like a game of telephone through the small town - I saw Matt – he’s getting divorced – he said if I see Staci to tell him he says hi....and so on and so on.

I got to my parents, sat down and declared – I LOVE my life. My mom was on the couch which always freaks me out – we have assigned seating – the couch is mine, the recliner is hers. So I knew she was in pain. She has been bonding with vicadin and is mad at her doctors who said everything would be fine in a few days, when really everyone else who has had this type of surgery – including me – told her it would be at least 2 weeks. They were watching a western – shocking I know. It was 4 hours long. Seriously. But it ended up being really good! I had to leave a couple hours into it to go get dinner and I was bummed I missed part of it. In the end there was an intense gunfight...bam! bam! Bam! and all the good guys were standing (well, minus one) and all the bad guys were on the ground...as it should be. There were lots of beautiful horses too. And I got to use the phrase road hard and put away wet to describe a woman in the movie – because there were horse in the movie – and because I was in Washington – which we know is the only place I am allowed to use that phrase. Did you know that Robert Duval is considered the last great cowboy? It’s true. And he uses the same horse in all his westerns – it lives in Nebraska. Fun facts from AMC and my father which I hope are more accurate than his mr. roger’s navy seal rumors.

I ran into town to pick up sandwiches at a local place called Dairy Delight. It used to be the Dairy Queen when I was little and my grandparents lived up the street. Those hot summer nights were so fun walking down to get ice cream and it melting down your arm before you got back home. Somewhere along the line it turned into Delight and the DQ opened out on the highway. The food is good, the place is super clean, but I walked inside and the smell of diner made me want to cry – I knew I was going to smell like that! I really truly hate that. The salad was ready so I took it and went outside to wait on the picnic table where the girl said she would bring it to me. I looked all nervous, she probably thought I was going to go smoke or shoot up or something. I went out and called Trisha. She answered and all I said was....I smell like diner! Then I had to put it on my car and was wigged out about absorbing it into the leather seats. Maybe I can get hypnotized for this kind of phobia.

My mom says – are you staying the night? I don’t have the heart to tell her after last week sleeping in that bed two nights it felt like someone had kicked me in the small of the back. I am playing tennis early tomorrow, so that seemed like a logical enough reason I thought, but not to a women that gets up at 7 a.m. every day. I said my goodbyes and headed home before I fell into the trap of that couch which she eventually surrendered to me so she could move around a bit.

It’s like there is a little oasis of charm around my parents’ house. Like when I got back from dinner and they said look under the bird feeder and I immediately said – is the turkey up here?! I seriously was so excited to see this mama turkey and her babies that I saw last week way down by the riding arena. She finally worked up enough trust to come all the way up to the house with the babies. I do enjoy the visits, but if I had to live in that town I would poke my eye out with a stick.