Promises promises promises

This is my mother’s response when my 18 year old nephew’s girlfriend is standing at the sink (which my mother would call a zink) trying to get her ice cream open with a small diamond on her wedding band finger and I say....Did you get a RING for graduation? Silence. Repeat question. Nothing. She retreats into the living room as quickly as she can and sits down next to my nephew whispering frantically. I do not like embracing the bitchy aunt role, but alas Trisha did not make it in for this holiday. So I ask his mom, and she says – well, not from her parents, real coy as if this is some how a good idea. I try to squelch the speech rising up from my core on don’t throw your fucking life away on your high school girlfriend – learn from your parents mistakes!!!! And I calmly ask...are they engaged? No, it’s a promise ring. After promises, promises, promises, my mom also says – I’ve heard that before.

So all afternoon I’m thinking oh my god they are just like his parents. My brother and my now sister-in-law spent all of their high school years together in my parents basement where she did his homework and wrote him notes to get out of class. Textbook good love gone bad...really phenomenally bad...and maybe good again – apparently they are getting along better, but they’ve only had about 15 heinous years in between, not sure I see the point. I think they want to redeem themselves somehow with my nephew – jock – check, in a relationship – check. Yes, he is a typical red blooded American boy going off to play football at a school in Iowa in the fall. The size of a mac truck. I am so proud of him and only want him to be happy, but I’m so afraid that something is going to mess it up – like knocking up your high school sweetheart and working at some gym for the rest of your life in a small town with small ideas. My niece is the artsy skater emu teen. She wants to go to trade school and become a designer. God help me. She is so talented. My goal is to finally wear her down and convince her to go to a four year school.

So after being freaked out by my nephew and his promised one, I realize - I had a promise ring. I remember that. Going up to his room on graduation day where he had a special present for me that he didn’t want to give me in front of the family. Me coming downstairs to smiles and hugs from his parents and relatives. I wonder if one of his aunts wasn’t secretly saying – what the hell are you thinking??? They all played it off quite well if they were. Maybe they are not my brother and his wife, hopefully they are me and Matt. Ah young love, first love, which was smart enough to end before you get out of college. It’s painfully dramatic, but we are all the better for having experienced...and left it behind.

My mom gave my dad the sweetest father’s day card. They truly appreciate each other every day and have for 50 years. They don’t need the scare of my mom’s hospital visit to make them realize it. I was really hacked at my oldest sister who did not come to dinner because on father’s day her husband gets to decide what he wants to do, and that does not include spending time with her father...he really says that, which makes me so angry. If it were dad that was in the hospital recently it would be a different story, it’d be all new and fresh that maybe she should appreciate him. He was her father way before that guy was her husband. So annoying.

My father loves taping things. They are getting direct TV next week so their whole world is going to change....possibly involving some domestic violence as my mom clobbers my dad with the remote control when he has 200 channels to surf. She said they watched something the other night that was from 1992 – she could tell by the commercials. We watched The Bodyguard with Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston today from the early 90s too I think. I love saying things like “dad, aren’t you glad I’m not in the secret service so you don’t have to worry about me so much?”...just to watch him give me his textbook dad grin.

It had its points today where I wanted to scream “am I the only one who thinks this is crazy??” about many different things, but all in all, as far as family holidays go, it was a good day.