Can she feel your uterus?

Ok but only because you called me skinny like 3 times. My doctor used to work at some nondescript office on Ballas where all the doctor offices are. But she decided to be the head of the women’s medical area at the Center for Advanced Medicine at Wash U, so now I get to go through the gyrations of parking in the hospital which is akin to finding a spot at the Galleria during Christmas. When I had meetings at Children’s Hospital I used to pretend all the kids were just getting check ups and none of them were really sick. Once you park you find the elevator bank jammed with people. So I took the stairs from the 3rd floor where I came from to the 4th floor, but needed to get to the 5th. No stairs. Really. You have to go on the elevator. Stairs just stop. And these are the people I’m trusting with my life?

My doctor switched the type of pill I’m on – not that it’s getting any use at its intended job, but it helps with my headaches anyway. Trisha said last year before she met Jeff that she was going to go off the pill. I was outraged – it was like accepting defeat that you were never going to have sex again! And strangely enough today I found out my friend was counting “safe days.” She asked what I thought and I said that was fine if it was 1950 and you were Catholic. We have a family of 5 kids, all products of the rhythm method as my parents’ generation called it.

My doctor and I discussed different options and she kept naming the ones she was not going to put me on and they were all the ones I recognized from TV. I thought maybe they should put their media budget into research and development because she saw real flaws with them and I’m only going to listen to my doctor when it comes down to it. I was all expecting to switch to the one those cool girls discuss in a bar and then you find out their friend isn’t just a kook, she’s a doctor. I go to Walgreens to pick up my new pills and they don’t come in a cute little lilac fabric carrying case like my old ones. Boo. The case is this lame blue square made out the same material as my trapper keeper folders from the 5th grade.

In the winter I amuse myself by wearing fun socks to the doctor – if that’s all I’m wearing with that sheet they better be making a statement. Today I had on black peep-toe heels, no socks. I couldn’t bear the thought on standing on that floor barefoot. Yuck! So I kept them on – and I thought they made quite a statement. I asked her if logistically I needed to take them off during the exam, nope. I like her.

She is always preceded by a doctor-to-be who asks all kinds of questions like am I taking vitamins, calcium blah blah. If it’s a guy I let him stay for the questions only then he has to leave, but if it’s a girl they can stay for the whole thing. I go to a female doctor for a reason...all the same parts. So today some chipper girl named Courtney who had fabulous Katy L-esque hair did the Q&A. And I gave the ok for her to stick around for the exam. There were some issues with the light and finally my doctor is like...uh – I’ve been her doctor for years I think I can find my way around and moved Courtney out of the way. She was right – exam was over in seconds. She was finishing up and said...Can Courtney feel your uterus? I really like it when we have healthy skinny patients that she can examine.... You had me at skinny. Ok lady, I’m not going anywhere, I’d be happy to help advance the medical career of the lovely locked one. Works for me.



Last week when Laurie and I were at brunch we saw a woman from my gym with her husband and kids at Kopperman’s. Adorable family – one boy, one girl, one handsome husband, one beautiful wife – all tall and athletic. This morning when I saw her at class she said her daughter was very intrigued with us and kept discussing us the rest of the day. Where were her kids? So she was just having breakfast with her friend? Where were their kids? Why couldn’t she just go to breakfast with her girlfriends? She would like that. Why doesn’t her mom do that? It was really cute and made me smile and be even more thankful for my great girlfriends. I hope that girl remembers that when she’s older and appreciates them too.