Wii belong together aka boxing with Jesus

I got a Wii – for no particular reason. Figured it would get me off the couch instead of watching all my reality TV. I’m Atari generation, what do I know about video games? I think I wanted it more when I realized you couldn’t readily buy them.

I was in the Best Buy booth at Busch Stadium during a torrential rain delay several weeks ago. As my fellow co-worker put it – it’s like going to a dinner party at the ballpark and we can just leave if it keeps raining. It was cool to watch them finally take the tarp off the field....3 hours later...it was literally a perimeter of men walking and folding the tarp back and one guy with a squeegee mop - one guy! Actually, this one guy must have just been for show too because the field appears to have millions of tiny drainage points...suddenly the water was gone. Magic.

Anyway, since it was the Best Buy box there was even a TV in the refrigerator door! Tons of plasma screen TVs showing us the game that would eventually be happening outside our door if I cared to watch and....a Wii! I started to play just for the hell of it and then I was hooked! So fun! It really cemented the deal when I was boxing against the computer and the character’s name was Ryan. He looked like Jesus – just like the Jesus from Southpark. And it wasn’t just my warped mind – other people thought so too. I was totally letting Jesus have it! It was a little disconcerting, but also liberating at the same time. So people say - why ‘d you get a Wii and I say – well I was boxing Jesus and I won.

So the next week I’m walking down the hall at work with my lunch and Todd says – the Bridgeton Best Buy has Wii! I grab my wallet and eat my lunch in the car on the way to the store. ½ hour later I am the proud owner of a Wii and also the game Godzilla Unleashed. It’s similar to the boxing moves, but you make Godzilla fly around put a beat down on the other monsters. Ok, you could choose to be Gamera or whoever – but WHY would you ever choose to be Godzilla’s enemy – not smart. I’m not very good at it yet, I have figured out how to make him spin around and knock things over with his tail in this flying ninja-esq move, but most of the time he just flails his arms around and shoots fire....and sometimes I push the wrong button and he runs away from his enemy like a baby...so embarrassing. My neighbors probably think I have a dog as I’m shouting, Godzilla –get back here! I wanted to buy a game with a gun – like those I love to play whenever I’ve been at dave and busters – real stress relievers, but I thought I would start with just straight fighting and move up from there eventually.

The Wii was a turning point whether I play with it much or not (here is the justification that the bag is still sitting in my living room with some of the parts)....but I installed it BY MYSELF! It was an amazing feeling! Even after I kicked Jesus’ ass in boxing He didn’t even try to electrocute me while I was installing it. I did have a few wires crossed, but once I actually read the directions it worked! I was very proud of myself.

Tonight I’m back in my terrible sleeping patters. Some mornings I get up at 5:15 a.m., so when I come home from work I’m sleepy. If I don’t keep moving, I’m asleep. I had tennis lessons (real lessons, not Wii), but I locked myself out of my apartment and missed them – don’t ask – it’s a very logical story about keeping my key on a pony tail holder when I walked to the gym this morning and then losing it at some point during the day. Luckily Cheryl has a spare – love neighbor friends! So I ate dinner and the proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. I wake up at 9 and try to salvage what is left of my night. I try to follow along with the belly dancing class (not so easy, but interesting) on FitTV which I just subscribed to recently. (I’ve had boomerang this whole time, which I didn’t know and now they are showing VOLTRON – yes, this classic is back from the KPLR 11 vaults – check it out at 9:30 p.m.) And then I decided to dust off the ol’ wii-mote (seriously, you got to love a company that’s as freaky as we are with all their jargony marketing speak). I went straight to the sports training program. Last I checked my Wii fitness age was 63, so I stayed away from that program.

I got to the second level of training in boxing. You have to dodge the balls that your trainer is throwing at you. As I was getting pummeled in the gut, I was having flash backs of being on the St. Francis Borgia playground during a wicked game of dodge ball – I was always an awkward, slow moving target...like a turtle in plaid skirt.

In the 3rd level of training though the tables were turned – aim your punches at your trainers target mits, but try not to hit him. Well I didn’t try to hit him – it’s training! I don’t know what I’m doing yet. I’m sure my trainer liked getting repeatedly punched in the groin when I practiced targeted punches, as much as I liked getting biffed in the head by those small medicine balls during the footwork.