FORE

Last week I had my second golf lesson with a group of friends out in St. Charles...west nile alley as it probably should be called. I was supposed to go 2 weeks ago and I just honestly couldn’t take any more instruction that day. Even the thought of hitting something with a club was not appealing.

I hadn’t swung a club in over a year. Turn, slide, swing, pivot. This was the mantra I carried with me from years of random lessons – that – and pretend you have something balanced on your head so you don’t move it. This week we used the 7 iron. I was in the most uncomfortable and foreign position after some instruction, but I was doing ok. But it’s when you don’t feel it...that’s when you get the shot off. When you don’t know what you did or how you knees were bent or how it happened...it just comes together and it happens. After a while I might be an ok golfer, I’m not a good golfer, but I am consistent – I hit every club almost the same distance – I know logically this makes no sense, but I told Rachel who was standing by me – that’s what you’ll see for the next 6 weeks, no matter what club we use.

I’m taking with a really fun group. We all are slightly ADD and in it for the socializing, good times aspect of it, not exactly cut throat competitors. We talk a lot and take frequent water breaks. Rachel mentioned it felt like we were on a TV show, which it sort of did....it would be called something like Golfing and Gabbing or we could have a musical version – Swinging and Singing.

We discuss the important topics like reality TV, hair products and dating....what did you expect...higher math? It’s always fun to catch up. And it’s so interesting to listen to other people talk about relationships. One girl met a guy on a business trip a few weeks ago and now he’s thinking about moving to St. Louis. It’s nice to hear things like that really happen. I would use the line good things happen to good people, but I think that would just be insulting myself. I’m more experienced in we are dating in STL he gets a job in LA, he wants me to visit, he realizes he needs to focus on his life there, so we stop talking, then he resurfaces...he wants me to visit again, I think this means things have changed, so does he until he realizes after I’ve flown 1800 miles that he’s still not ready, but does think our visit was a lot of fun...blah blah until I have to just pull the breaks on the emotional rollercoaster and get the hell off that ride. It’s hard to just stop talking to someone like that, the one that you wanted to tell everything to. I usually suck at it. I let them loiter around in my life just enough so I’m can’t entirely move on...healthy...the ghosts of boyfriends’ past...sounds like a Lifetime movie. Incidentally he’s moving back to my time zone and we’ve been talking again, but inquiring about what color tennis skirt I’m wearing today does not constitute a pending romantic relationship...fool me twice...whatever that phrase is...I’m very cautious. Cautiously optimistic. Actually I don’t know if I really am cautiously optimistic, but I think that’s a line from a stock report I read once and it stuck in my head. Or my new favorite scenario is...we know each other for a few years in STL and really like each other but are both too idiotic to do anything about, wait until he lives in Antarctica and visits STL for a few weeks to go on a couple incredible dates and he leaves to travel the world again. I’m really smart.

The traditional post-golf agenda is going for drinks, obviously this applies to lessons too. There was a bit of a set up planned with my friend and a guy friend of another. When they said who the guy was – I was like oh I’ve met him before. The short of it is one of my friends in golf class and I worked together and dated for like 5 minutes many years ago and he ended up marrying a girl I knew in college who turns out to be a friend of mine now. Did you get all that? This is old news to everyone I think – especially him and me. But apparently last week when I wasn’t at lessons it became a major revelation, which is funny because I just forget I didn’t know these people at the time and thought they think it’s as normal as we do. He’s actually a lot more fun as someone else’s problem...uh husband...just kidding. He’s a really nice guy and his wife is perfect for him...really great couple.

I recently had to rescind my tirade on dating guys from work. I apologized to Gary because a few months ago the night of world’s worst karaoke I was lecturing him...again and again...and again...about dating people from work – shouldn’t do it, bad idea, learn from my mistakes. So I said...I would like to apologize for yelling at you and tell you that I was wrong. I told him to go for it and date whoever he wanted. To which everyone was like...who do you want to date at work – to which I was like – yuck, nobody. It was just that perhaps I see now that I might have missed out on something if I hadn’t been so hung up on my no work rules and been a bit braver.

So the fix up guy can only stay for a minute, but says he’ll be back next week. It’s brought up that my friend will have to go through the ritual of looking cute next week too, as if she couldn’t look cute in her khaki skirt and golf shirt...adorable. The cuteness question is posed to me as I’m standing there in my cardinal’s hat, camo shorts and a white tank top – it’s the shoes – come on now we all know it’s the cute golf shoes. So I say, I think I’ll wear a bra, I guess I didn’t realize how close the instructor was actually going to get. The winery girls would be disappointed in me again because I just used my little short cut trick...long story. I realize we’re close now that we’ve all discussed my uterus, but a girl has to have some secrets.